Round 1 of the playoffs... Kieth beats Kendra, I beat Mark. Erica and Erin have byes.
Round 2 of the playoffs... Kieth beats Erin, Erica beats Me.
Round 3 of the playoffs, Championship Game, Erica vs Kieth, is going all hunky-dory going into Monday night. Erica is down by 6.56 points with only Josh Allen yet to play.
A little more than 1/2 way into the 1st quarter, a guy basically dies on the field! A bunch of full grown men cry. Then a bunch of guys say "Fuck you NFL, I'm not going back out to play in 5 minutes." The game is suspended.
Yeah, it seemed like the right thing to do in the situation.
So finally tonight, after much grand fuckery, the NFL has decided to rule the game a "no contest." No reschedule, no continuation. But somehow, stats still count.
ESPN, being a bunch of dipshits, don't appear to allow anything for week 18 match-ups because as far as I can tell, they think the season should be over. Also, who knows who's playing vs who isn't playing, it being the last week of the season. I'm not up for that level of commitment.
The way I see it, if we extrapolate Allen's 2.72 points in part of the first round we get 10.88 points per game. The lowest score Allen had all season was in Week 11 with 12.58 points, both would be good enough to push Erica to a win.
Potentially influenced consultation from Erin determined that the matchup should be considered a tie and that the pot should be split. But isn't the saying something like "A tie is like kissing your sister?" Considering Kieth and Erica are siblings after all, that seems to hit a bit to close to home. We're picking a gosh-dang winner here! And we're doing it tonight!
Independent consultation (cough, Cory, cough) suggested looking at substituting bench players at the QB position, or to make the best possible lineup for both teams. Unfortunately for Kieth, he was fielding both a injured Tua and Hurts... and Erica had good ole' Brady Uggs, who had a massive 43.68 points.
The one situation in this scenario in which I think Allen fails to acquire the 3.84 points is a game ending injury where he leaves the game completely. However plausible, I find this situation unlikely.
So, after much deliberation, independent and impartial consultation, analysis, and very very complicated math, I, as ruling commissioner and eater of tacos, hereby deem Erica the winner!
I usually try to avoid the drama... but in this situation, I'm going to use the fun "Adjust Scoring" button and do the right thing. Or at least what I think is the right thing at 1:14 am right now.
Congratulations to Erica as the Winner of the 9th Annual Toilet Bowl!
Monies will be distributed when I feel like it sometime tomorrow.
It is decided!
Sincerely,
The Commish
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